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Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow?

Swallowtails shared garden with the bees.

Swallowtails shared garden with the bees.

Since I decided to return to this place, I started dicking with the back end of the blog. Erasing, adding, sighing.

When the blog sat dormant, occasionally, I would meet someone new who would say something like, hey, I found your blog and I really liked it. Hmmm, yeah. I would say. I haven’t logged on in so long.

I don’t think these comments were meant as sucker punches, but they still doubled me over. I wondered if the person sitting across from me saw the embarrassment rise in my cheeks.

I came up with a lot of excuses of why I let this virtual place slip off my to-do list. Most of the reasons had to do with time. But when I poked around the blog this week, I made myself look at About Me and Move It. Was I afraid of what I would find, or was I just too embarrassed and pissed off and disappointed at myself to confront what was there?

I’ve spent the last few months beating the shit out of myself. Why did you let yourself go? You know better. You had this licked. You’re stupid, fat, ugly.

Then I looked at the before photos, really looked at them. I’m not that girl. That girl might have been an extrovert (there are still some things we can’t change), but she was afraid and shy, she hid behind a lot of shit, she refused to take risks, and she blamed others for things that went wrong. And excuses? She had plenty. The invisibility cloak she created with all that extra weight kept her hidden from…well, life.

I may not be my “after” in the physical sense, but I’m closer to that woman than I will ever be to the other one. Could I return to that other strange girl? Maybe, but it occurred to me that a little slippage (okay a lot) doesn’t need to shoot me off on backward trajectory in which I might never return.

So, for today, I’m going to do what I know will help me…the basics. Good food, exercise and a little meditation. I’ll worry about tomorrow… well, tomorrow.

Blue Cheese Dressing

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I hardly ever eat iceburg lettuce, but once in a while I crave a wedge salad with blue cheese and little salty bits of bacon. Not real diet friendly, and commercially prepared “lite” dressings are barf worthy.

Commercially prepared dressings vary from 70-180 calories per serving – that’s a two tablespoons, folks.

I managed to make one that is really good, and a quarter cup was under 60 calories. Hello, double the serving size and half the calories (and fat). Clippity, clop, clippity, clop, clippity, clop…that’s me dancing on the table.

The trick? Greek yogurt. Give it shot:

¾ c. lowfat Greek yogurt
¼ c. 1 percent milk
1 tsp. Dijon Mustard
¼ tsp. thyme
½ small clove garlic
Salt to taste
1 oz. Reduced-fat blue cheese crumbles

Makes one cup

Mix together yogurt and milk until you reach the consistency you like. Add all the ingredients except blue cheese. After all ingredients are thoroughly incorporated, add a small portion of blue cheese and squish it around with a fork to incorporate into the dressing. Fold the rest of the blue cheese crumbles into the mixture and enjoy.

Nutritional information:

The entire cup: 233 calories, 10 grams fat, 10 carbohydrates, 28 grams protein
½ cup 117 calories, 5 grams fat, 5 carbohydrates, 14 grams protein
¼ cup 58 calories, 2.5 grams fat, 2.5 grams carbohydrates, 7 grams protein

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