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About Me

I’ve battled weight my entire life and experimented with more diets than I care to admit. I ate my way through celebrations, unimaginable grief, and years of my Aunt Alice’s Thanksgiving pumpkin pie. Several years ago I decided enough was enough. At my peak I weighed more than 260 pounds. I hate to even put that in print. It wasn’t pretty. I was relegated to wearing brightly colored tunics and elastic waist pants. Yes, you can buy jeans with an elastic waist. I kept a pair for proof

At one point I contemplated gastric bypass surgery. I felt like such a loser, and I couldn’t believe I had allowed my life to get so far out of control. I tried a low-carb diet when I first started this weight loss journey, and I experienced quite a bit of success – 80 pounds to be exact. That diet forced me to look at the reasons I ate, which didn’t necessarily involve hunger. I discovered that when food called for me, I really didn’t want to eat three pounds of cheese melted over a platter of bacon. But chocolate cake? That’s what I’m talkin’ about.

The problem I found with a low-carb lifestyle is I couldn’t be satisfied long term with sautéed mushrooms and fried chicken, and the weight started to creep back, and that scared the hell out of me. I needed to mix things up a bit, so I opted to try Weight Watchers…one more time. Combining that with the new awareness of emotional eating seemed to help.

I removed the last 50 pounds in about six months for a total of 105 pounds. I look at my previous self and cannot imagine ever going back to that place, but I got sloppy, really sloppy. At first it was just five pounds, then 10… I also haven’t ever found a place where I just felt good enough. Even at my very lowest weight, I still wanted to lose another 10 pounds.

So, I’m here to say some of the weight found me. Once I got over the denial that I was indeed over my goal (nothing like looking at yourself in vacation pictures), I got really, really disgusted. In my mind, I was back at that very first before picture. But as I struggled and squirmed and decided to come back to my blog, I see that I’m not that girl either. I’m not sure if I will ever feel good enough in my own skin – no matter what I weigh. It pisses me off, and I feel like I owe it to myself to find a long-term solution.

I do know there is no one right way to achieve success at this weight loss gig. Bottom line is that it takes a lot of work and energy; sometimes way more work than what I’m willing to put in. When I’m on a roll, I know it’s worth the effort.

I have spent the last two years in one non-stop two-year-old tantrum eating what I want, when I want it. This does not yield good results. So it’s time to pull up the big girl panties and get moving.

My goal here is to share what I have learn along the way (and continue to confront) as I try to put myself at the top of the to-do list.

Cheers,
Melissa

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12 Responses

  1. Hey girlfriend~ I’m so proud of you!!!! What an accomplishment – the weight – and the self-discovery! I need to keep coming back here to learn a thing or two. I’m pushing the big “40” and would like to weigh less, and be healthier – both physically and emotionally.

    You can come check out my blog too – I’ve been doing it since summer. You may agree or disagree with some of what I share, but I try and keep it real and spice it up every once and a while with some humor.

    I send my love!

  2. Great job! The hardest part is the mental. For me, it means staying involved in healthy physical activities so that I don’t eat myself into oblivion and retreat down that dark alley where invisibility and isolation lives.

  3. Melissa you and I have soooo much in common. The feelings , th journey to a large weight loss, and the person left behind. Feelings are SO much a part of a large amount of weight loss. I am so thankful and blessed to have had you come into my life when things were falling apart around me and I needed the help so I would not slip down the slippery slope! This blog is great! Love you!

  4. Mellisa i love what you are doing it is such a healthy thing to do to feel your feelings instead of feeding them. i realize my 30 pounds does not seem much to someone who has lost more but do believe me we have sturggles that are real to us to. i hate it when people say i am so lucky. Do they realize what i have to make good choices most of the time to maintain this weight. it is not easy but being overweight is not easy either . It is all so worth it. i love my support group which you are a part of. it is so important for me to stay accountable.

    love you marie

  5. Hey Melissa and everyone,

    you look great. I’m gonna take some time later to really read your blog. It gives me the wonderfull feeling of being inspiring! (Hope I wrote that word correct, I’m from Belgium)
    I try to lose weight with Weight Watchers. I’m 1m50 and my start weight was 80kg, now I weigh 68kg. My goal is 55kg or even 50kg. I do not like exercise but i do like walking and the bike.

    love
    fieke

  6. What an incredible story! Thanks for stopping by my blog, too, and for your kind words. I’ve RSS’d yours and will be following along.

    T.

  7. Hi Mellisa

    Your blog has really encouraged me to start blogging, it all seems more realistic when you put it to writting and one is able to express yourself.

    I have to loose just over 79 pounds and have been on weight watchers for 2 weeks now!!!!

    Good luck with your emotions, thinking of you!

    Angie

  8. Melissa,
    Your blog has helped me in many ways. When I am at that point where I am ready to stuff 1000 calories in my mouth in 2 minutes or less, I sit down and browse through your blog to find something I can relate to and focus on. I brainstorm, while I am drinking a glass of water and chewing gum. I focus on picking the most satisfying snack that will get me through the here and now. Your blog is so informative, there is always something to distract me and keep me going. I know your blog will touch many people, it certainly has touched me.
    Beth

  9. am going to keep reading this . You inspire me .thank you !

  10. Hey, Melissa! I have a long way to go in my weight loss journey. In the back of my mind I’m thinking that once I reach my goal I’d go to a 6 day “on” and 1 day “off” schedule where I get to eat some of my favorites on Saturdays or Sundays… I’m just wondering if you’ve tried this – if so, does it work (she asks hopefully:D)? ~Angie

  11. Hi,

    I have a question for you regarding your blog. Please contact me when you get a chance.

    Thanks!

    Jackie

  12. Hi Jackie – What’s up? Sorry if it has been a while since you left this message. I haven’t been very good about blogging for a while.

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