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Believe the Slogan

I experienced a nasty altercation with a bag of sour cream and onion chips yesterday.

I didn’t really give the purchase a second thought. I generally reserve them for holiday cookouts or if I know there will be kids around to polish them off before I start nosing around, which was exactly what was supposed to happen this weekend. My teenage-eating machine also provides a great back up.

Plans changed and fewer people arrived. As I opened the bag, Russell informed me that he only likes the barbeque flavor. Crazy talk. Does the boy not share half of my DNA?

I should have dumped the newly opened bag right into the trash, but no, I had to prove a point and practice moderation.

I consume chips judiciously in as much as I eat all the broken ones first and the teensy ones with the little brown edges next, then the whole ones. I save the folded over whole ones for last. I used to think I was a freak about this, but I’ve watched others eat chips and everyone seems to have a system.

I’m fine with chips as long as:

1. I don’t grab even one, or
2. There are large quantities of teens lingering around insuring quick, if not tidy, consumption.

Given the fact that I’m a word girl, not a number diva, I failed to recognize the pending equation: Chips – crowds = fat ass. I grabbed more and more and more until I realized I needed intervention. I tossed the bag open-side down in the trash taking no chances of just one more Mr. Lays.

I suppose there is truth in advertising, and I suppose their you can’t eat just one tagline is way more appealing than open this bag, bitch, and you are going down.


5 Responses

  1. I actually laughed out loud at your closing remark. Thanks! Your wit is amusing. 🙂

    We had Fritos Scoops at our cookout yesterday and I think I managed to have about a serving and a half. Not bad considering salty snacks are quite addicting and we had some yummy “cowboy caviar” to scoop up!

  2. I believe. I’ve learned that I can’t eat just one of way more than potato chips!

  3. oh boy, I’ve been through that cycle so many times! Have you ever tried the trick of seperating portions into baggies? I’ve bought bags with that intention and not done it… they don’t last long enough.
    Definitely my weakness.
    I like your slogan better!

  4. @ Jennifer – cowboy caviar is just as deadly. I think a serving and a half is very much in control.

    @ Karen – Totally with ya, sista.

    @ Teresa – I’m not sure I can get past the salty residue on my fingers to bag the chips myself. Having said that I can manage if I’m out and about with a single-serve bag. That seems doable.

  5. Ooh, I haven’t even *thought* about sour cream and onion chips in eons! Now, of course, I must have some. 🙂 I’ll have to check Subway next time I’m there for an individual serving bag. Like you, I’ll dive in head first otherwise.

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