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Where’s Your Towel?

It finally happened. I talked to someone as I stood naked in the locker room. I didn’t even keel over from embarrassment, and she didn’t laugh at any of my squishy stuff.

I know this may not sound like a big deal to some, and others may be wondering why the hell I think confronting this issue is so important, but somewhere deep within, I believe this process may help me move forward in my quest to resolve my body image. If I can learn to be comfortable in the locker room chatting with other women as we are in various stages of getting dressed, I will someday push further to accept me as me, squooshy parts and all.

Perhaps it comes from a warped notion of seeing movies where teenage boys slap each other across the ass with wet towels or parade around as if they were fully clothed, but I want a little bit of the confidence. OK, I feel no compunction toward whipping anyone else’s jiggly butt with a towel that I pick up at the counter every afternoon before I head into my workout, but I would like the locker room to seem like any other room I may enter throughout the course of the day. Is that too much to ask?

I may even have an ulterior motive. I also really want to talk to some of these women to see how they feel about their bodies, but it would seem too fucking weird for me to just blurt out my questions without being able to maintain any kind of eye contact. The fact that I was able to chit chat with someone today as I stood completely naked felt pretty damn good, even though I was so nervous I can barely remember what we discussed.

Remember the lady I told you about who was standing naked in front of the water cooler when I first joined the Y? I want to know if people like her were born completely and utterly comfortable in their own skin or if it is acquired. Was I screwed from birth or is it something I can aspire to. OK, maybe I don’t want to be just like the old lady with droopy boobs and a saggy ass standing for all to see while she quenches her thirst, but you get my point.

I want to know if the women who bring their own towels do so because they want more coverage than the towels offered at the front desk or do these women want a softer towel or maybe they just can’t stand the idea of using a towel, which touched a million other hoo haas.

So, this morning I’m left with more questions than answers, but most of my days are filled this way. For now, I’m going to revel in the fact that I’m moving forward in my own perverse way. Cheers!

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4 Responses

  1. Good for you! I went to a spa once with an uninhibited friend. It was one of those places where they give you a big sheet to wrap up in as you move from place to place. I was wrapped up like King Tut before I set foot anywhere, but my friend just tossed her sheet over her shoulder and was oblivious to whether or not anyone who was watching her. I’d be happy being half that confident! LOL

  2. Oh my gosh!! I’m amazed and impressed!! I’ve been following your saga and I know this is BIG!
    I love the idea that you can overcome this even as an adult. It gives me hope in so many areas.
    Good for you!

  3. Yes, it feels good. Today was another challenge. My locker is right next to one of the aerobic’s instructors. she was finishing up as I was needing to head to the shower. SQUIRMY, but I’m pushing through!

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