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When Will Acceptance Arrive?

I continue to confront my body image as I struggle with my comfort level in the locker room at the gym. I wish it was an easier process, but I hope I’m at least making a little progress.

It’s made me reflect about the time in my life during my 20s when I felt much like I do today criticizing my body, wishing it was different and knowing any tweaking that could be done was well beyond what any aerobics class could provide. How could I still feel the same way after 20 years?

I find myself watching younger women than I gather their things together as quickly and inconspicuously as possible as they ready themselves for a workout. I want to tell them that they are beautiful and embrace who they are at that very moment; much like my own mother told me when I would complain that I was too fat and ugly to be successful at anything.

Is there hope for any of us?

I then look to women similar in age that by most standards would be seen as fit and toned. Are they any more comfortable in their skin than I am?

Today as I was rushing to get dressed to head to a yoga class, I saw a youngish woman standing in her underwear on the scale. It didn’t seem to me that she needed to worry about her weight, but I wondered if this was the place that she checked in to avoid the Olympic sport of scale hopping in the privacy of her own home. Inwardly, I applauded her for standing there in the open with very little covering her personal parts to find out if she weighed what she wanted or wished, but there was another part of me that questioned if she doubted her own self worth based on the number that appeared in front of her.

I want to be happy in my own skin. Sure I can camouflage my problem areas, but at what point should I just embrace the woman that I am and throw that fucking scale in the trash?

Today, I celebrate the fact that I carried on a conversation, albeit brief, with another woman in the locker room as we both got dressed, but I couldn’t help but speculate whether I would have felt less comfortable talking with her had she been someone who I would have considered to look better than me from a societal standpoint. Will I ever find these answers?


4 Responses

  1. Look at you in those pants!

  2. I’m asking exactly the same questions! Sadly, I think the answer is that no woman truly feels 100% good in thier own skin (and men for that matter). We are constantly bombarded with images of what constitutes beauty. So we search. We work out, we shave, we pluck, we buy all the appropriate cosmetics. Then we hope that eventually society will find it in its heart to accept us. And while all this is going on we constantly compare ourselves to other people. It’s a sad state of affairs. Hopefully it will end.

  3. Yea, it’s good to pull that picture out once in a while…

  4. Thanks for checking in Raucous Rambler…I’ll have to check out your blog too. It’s good to know my ramblings are not falling on deaf ears. I do want the comparisons to end….we all have so much to offer and I just want to embrace it for what it is.

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