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Calmer Seas Ahead

You know you are in for an evening of tough food choices when an Italian restaurant seems like your best option.

I thought I had a plan all mapped out yesterday. Lunch was fine and I even managed to bypass the crack, uh, kettle corn at Yutzy’s. I made it home and ate a smoked turkey sandwich on freshly baked whole wheat bread with a few veggies tossed on the plate for color and fiber – good to go.

We had to leave the house at 3 p.m. for a 5 o’clock soccer game so I packed some snacks to tide me over knowing the plan included dinner out. My food journal was up-to-date and safely tucked into my purse next to an apple and protein bar that I was sure would hold me until after the JV and varsity game.

Here is what I didn’t include in my planning process: One grouch-monster husband who is still in horrible amounts of pain from a hamstring tear, one bitchy wife who has the compassion of a turd, and one teenage son (no other modifier needed).

It’s a small miracle that we all made it to the soccer field in three independent pieces. Lyle asked if I wanted to go look at tires with him while we waited for the game to start. Sure, let me first jab a fork in my eye to keep me entertained while you drag me into stores that I can’t imagine visiting on a good day. Can we stop by a Radio Shack on our way to pick up some extra cables to add to your collection?

I opted at that point to put myself into a time out and take a little walk to decompress. As I strolled in silence, I remembered there was a Jeni’s Ice Cream store close by. I promptly ordered before I found the sundae menu. The good thing about this store is the ice cream scoops are the size of what you find in France, which also explains why the French women are so damn thin. My two half scoops yielded a scant half-cup serving, but it was rich and flavorful and more than enough. I was quite pleased as I remained in control and enjoyed a little treat.

I walked back to the field and cheered on the boys – and then the rain came and then Lyle arrived shortly after and felt the need to micromanage the umbrellas. We worked through that and the end of the JV game, Russell wanted to stay for the varsity game so Lyle and I decided to get something to eat.

We had no problem getting a seat because the entire city of Columbus was plugged into the Buckeye’s game, and this place had no TV. I wish the team and the fans well, but I swear I’m the only person in the entire state who could care less. There I said it; you can start the eviction process now. You would have thought I could have caught a little bit of the fever in the 20+ years I’ve lived here. I suppose that is another testament of my need for professional help.

I asked Lyle where he wanted to go eat. Close was my big requirement since I felt like I might pee down my leg at any given moment, and soup sounded pretty good considering we’d been sitting in the cold rain for the last hour and a half. But, once we reached the destination, he complained that the game wasn’t over and wouldn’t get out of the car.

I went in and sat down and prepared for a quiet meal by myself, with the two other women in the restaurant who were also obviously unaware that football season had commenced. I still felt in control when I ordered my half portion of spaghetti and small cup of wedding soup, but then the bread basket arrived and Lyle was in the car. I was convinced that I would never have access to another basket of bread quite like this again… the crunchy crust was steaming hot and the yeasty center screamed at me.

I dove into unchartered territories from my original plan made just a few short hours ago, but I managed to hang on through the rough seas without capsizing. I will, however, admit to being drenched by the time I came home. Not all was lost since I managed to write everything down and drowned out the chubby waitress as she tried to tempt me with Mississippi mud cake for dessert.

The clouds parted this morning and the sun is shining through; here’s to happy sailing to round out the weekend.


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