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Not All Garlic Is Good For You

I don’t do bread very well, especially garlic bread unless it is perfectly portioned for the number of people sitting around the table. I started to write that it only haunts me if it is really good garlic bread – freshly made with great crusty artisan bread and savory herbs and garlic and fragrant olive oil. But I’ve been known to devour the frozen hunk out of the grocery store freezer caked with hydrogenated fats and fake ingredients like a bear emerging from hibernation as she traps her first rainbow trout of the season. She may even cut you more slack should you accidentally encounter her in the woods.

I don’t know what is with me and garlic bread. Is it the aroma that it sheds as it broils in my oven?

I know dinner smelled good cooking last night. Our Japanese exchange student, Russell and another boy joining us for dinner circled the table like vultures over a three-day old carcass fermenting in the sun. And, that was about a half hour before I took anything out of the oven.

I made the perfect plan. I lightened up the lasagna and used whole wheat noodles. I even left it on the stove to prevent myself from picking at the remains. I tossed a huge salad with garden-fresh ingredients, which I planned to visit as my step-down unit in case I got too excited about the meal. I even prepared individual slices of garlic bread from this great loaf that I bought in Pearl Market. There were two extra slices, but I was really more worried about the arguments that might ensue between three teenage boys than being concerned about “extras.”

Russell foiled my plan when he decided to forego bread altogether, and the other boys failed to pick up the slack. The little bastards – all of them. Didn’t they know I was counting on them?

I honed in on the first one like a stray dog wandering upon a juicy T-bone steak. When I emerged for air, I was grabbing for a knife to cut another piece in half. I scooped up the remnants and stuffed them deep into the trash as I praised the heavens for my caffeine addiction. The ample supply of coffee grounds lining the trash can mocked me as they grasped onto the little crunchy nuggets of roasted garlic.

I gotta get my head back on today. I’m going into a sunny, warm forecast with one festivity already planned that I refuse to view as a carnival of excuses. HELP!


5 Responses

  1. Oh I love it too! But then again, I love most bread. Sigh.

  2. I so understand the fight with food and bread in general. Hang in there we have all done the exact same thing. You pushing it into the trash reminds me of digging through the trash for large enough cigarette butts to smoke, when I was still a smoker. Oh our addictions and what they make us do. Sad, so sad. By the way the roasted peach pictures made me think they would have been so great with thin bacon strips wrapped around them. LOL LOL Hope you are well and enjoying your summer.

  3. Woo Hoo I’m not alone!

    Shane I had to laugh my ass off (if only) about the bacon and peaches – Damn, if that doesn’t sound better than a little cinnamon!

  4. This was so freaking funny.

    And now I’m craving garlic bread.

  5. oops…sorry. Step away from the garlic bread – it is evil

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