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Bright Eyed

I slept through the night. Hear the trumpets? I can’t believe the difference in even just the first couple hours of consciousness. I woke up 15 minutes before my alarm blared, and I must admit I was pretty pissed at first, but given the fact that I try to rise around 5 a.m. I feel like I’m entitled to that emotion.

I intentionally turn the face of my alarm clock away from my bed so the glowing neon numbers can’t mock me when I rouse from slumber in the wee hours to get up to pee, which is way more frequent than I like. I used to stumble into the bathroom and then plop back into bed stressing about all the time I either had or didn’t have before I had to start my day. Seemed like a really stupid way to spend a night, and it amazed me at how quickly I solved the problem.

Somehow this morning my body told me that it was almost time. I pushed my initial grumblings aside, emptied the overly full bladder, layed back down and simply breathed. It’s been a while since I mindfully brought air into my lungs and pushed it out again. Before this pinched nerve wreaked havoc on my life, it was the way I began and ended each day. While it was a challenging habit to establish, I have to say it was quite beneficial. I know it may sound pathetic to establish a “breathing” habit, but there are many days that I rush around believing breathing is actually optional.

Yesterday was one of those days. I flew around my office and caught myself on more than one occasion gulping air into my lungs like a fish stranded on the shore from a receding tide.

I did manage to clear my desk and many of the items on my to do list, but I think that really has more to do with the fact that I’m feeling better. I finally feel like I can enter the world again, but I also think I have an opportunity to re-evaluate my priorities.

It feels as if I dropped off the planet for about five or six weeks. Upon re-entry, what is it that I want to resume and what little nuggets can I leave behind floating aimlessly through space. Interestingly enough a few people construed my absence as a commentary of some sort. Last night, I felt kinda bad about that when I posted my blog entry, but this morning after a full night sleep I wonder if perhaps it speaks more of them than me.

Other than times that I underwent surgery, I cannot remember when I was out of commission like I was with this pinched nerve. During those times, it was interesting to see who came around because they were concerned about me versus those who saw my temporary disability as an inconvenience on them. It brings about interesting reflection and contemplation as I move forward again.

How do I want to fill my days from here? What brings you ya-ya’s?

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