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Will The Truce Last?

I’m feeling pretty good (fingers crossed). Yesterday, I managed through the day until about 1:30 p.m. with no pain medication. This is a good thing given the Aleve is gouging jagged holes in the lining of my stomach, and I’ve built such a tolerance to the muscle relaxer and prescription pain reliever that I might as well be popping Tic Tacs.

The pain is reduced from excruciating-cannot-endure-another-second to mild pain in the ass, well shoulder/arm. Progress.

I still experience numbness and slight weakness in my arm and hand, but I’m keeping a close check on that. I haven’t seen the chiropractor this week because I’m attending a writers’ conference in Yellow Springs (delightful by the way), but I’m sneaking in a massage this evening, which makes me salivate at the mere anticipation of the appointment.

This is the second year I’ve attended this workshop, and I hope it brings as much enlightenment as last year. It got off to a bumpy start, well the conference didn’t, but I did on the first evening I returned home to my disgruntled guys. We threw live and hot artillery around for a couple of hours and then came to a peaceful resolution, whew.

I find myself in a really centered place right now, sans the over-40 body that continues to taunt and curse me at every given opportunity. Rewarding job. Rich and passionate family. Introspective existence. Mmmm, tasty.

I’m trying hard this week during the conference to push my demons of inadequacy aside to absorb whatever message is meant for me to receive. These times challenge, stretch and humble me as I keep my eyes and heart open each and every day.

I also feel an eating shift occur, which fascinates me at the moment. Several weeks ago I skulked into my therapist’s office admitting that I was abusing food again. What a shameful confession. Somehow she helped me draw a treaty with this particular demon, coming away feeling at peace with the part that binging once played in my life, but realizing that character can now be killed off in Act III. For now anyway, food is food.

Will this truce with myself – mind, body, spirit last? I’m far from nirvana. After all, I still find the need to mock my thighs, but overall, it feels like a place I want to hang for awhile. Is it acceptance I feel? What is your relationship with yourself today and how has it changed?

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2 Responses

  1. How great that things are coming together, despite the neck. I still need to find something in my life – my passion, as Oprah would say.

  2. Open up to find it dear. It’s worth the stretch – however far.

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