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Hearty Update

I finally talked to my dad last night after he got home from the hospital. It amazes (and sickens) me that that doctors set instruments in place to snake through arteries, Roto-Rooter them out and prop them open before sending patients home within eight hours. Insurance.

I did hear the upbeat, it’s no big deal chant from his wife yesterday morning as I tried to get a few details of what was going on.

“Really, don’t worry, it’s fine. They do this all the time now. It’s a minor procedure,” Lana rambled.

I’m pretty sure she compared it to clipping your toenails or some other stupid shit. Whatever, I hoped she believed it. I chomped my lip and kept my thoughts to myself because I knew self-imposed Rah-Rah Girl helped her get through the day. She is a good woman with good intentions, and I’m sure she finds my realism more noxious than the cheerfulness.

From the best I can tell, doctors inserted two more stents in different arteries, ballooned one and found another blockage, which they did nothing about. Last month there was a similar scenario… Times like these make me wish I pursued science instead of words. The extent of my knowledge comes from the dissected pig hearts in high school and college biology, real helpful. Regardless, I know there is a finite quantity of vessels.

It’s not so much the procedure yesterday that concerns me, but knowing what lies ahead. Dad and I talked about that last night on the phone. Problems now occur at a faster rate, which provide a grim picture of what is to come. Even if bypass surgery is an option, I remember the toll it took 20 years ago… does he want to go there? We talked a little bit about that too… more of those uncomfortable conversations, but I’m still glad we can have them.

The thoughts that fly through my head are big and life-altering and scary and sad. As weird as is it is on me, I wonder what it feels like for my dad. Even if things work out “this” time, it won’t forever – what a stupid word, forever.

I focus on my blessing here, that are all reality based – good relationships, love, candor, empathy, strength. While I may know what lies waiting, I try not to obsess or shove down those thoughts and feelings with food.

The plan this weekend includes a road trip his way – just me, no family, no distractions… Thanks go to Lyle for understanding and picking up pieces here so I can drop my stuff and go.

Thanks for listening and commenting.


5 Responses

  1. I’ll be thinking of you. Hugs.

  2. Well I got a scary call from my dad today so I decided to head over. Seems like things are ok for now. I’m glad I came. Good to just lay eyes on him.

  3. I am praying for your strength and for knowing what to do and when. Just listen to that inner voice and know.

    On a lighter note. Big Macs DO NOT fix everything!!!!!

  4. I’m in the process of getting my parents to move here to my neighborhood from another state so I can take care of them (I’m their only child). I get excited about them being here, but then a little sad, too…it’s hard to see them age.

    (sending mental strength your way)

  5. Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. It was an exhausting weekend in many ways, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way, and I returned home feeling quite blessed – even if it does feel like I could sleep for years!

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