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Give Me More


Job is going great – home, personal time, not so much. I guess the honeymoon is over. The hectic nature of working full-time challenges the home front. No one is getting much down time.

I started to take the blame for the recent bump fest, but I think it is more of a tipping point. Lyle and Russell finally understand there is a lot of shit to do around here and neither of them knows a magical incantation to make it snap together, and I fly in on my broom bitching because none of it is getting done.

We’re all a bit off-kilter from a personal level, but no one is ready to fess up. Lyle’s a pushover, until he’s not and then he explodes, which is fairly regular since its spring allergy season and over the counter meds don’t alleviate the problem.

Russell often has a late practice schedule and a large school load, and by his very teenage nature is a self-centered ass most days who we want to throttle the majority of time.

And me? Well, I probably throw the most kinks into the mix since I’ve been a hormonal wreck for about five years – there does seem to be improvement on that border with the help of homeopathy, acupuncture and Chinese herbs. I’ll keep you posted.

The Fast household is just not a very cozy place to hang right now, and I think we all feel like we are giving everything we can with very little ROI.

How do people get their needs/desires met as individuals without tromping on others in the familial unit?

This life business is tricky. I don’t think I want all the final answers, but sometimes I wish I could pick up a few clues once in a while.

Most of the time, I muddle through the best can. It’s weird – I feel in sync with the pieces and parts of my life, but when I toss them all into the bowl, I wonder if there is going to be one vinaigrette that will compliment all the flavors of the veggies. Does anyone else ever feel that? Should I add more salt or figure out how to remove some of the oil?

I was willing for a really long time to put my professional needs/desires on the backburner for the betterment of the familial unit. It worked and allowed me to be the kind of mom that I wanted to be (well, most of the time), but now is a time for more. I don’t know if either of the men in the house understands.

From my perspective they have been getting “more” all along… and now it’s my turn. But can three people all get “more” at once? It’s not that I want to trump the needs/desires of others, but I want my wishes valued.

I doubt that either Lyle or Russell feel any more valued than me, but I have a hunch we all think the other ones are already getting “more.” See where this is going? Regardless, nobody appears to be getting what they need let alone desire. How can everyone experience “me” and “we” within a busy family unit?

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2 Responses

  1. I love your bowl tossing analogy. No suggestions for you, just a hug. Hang in there. And good for you in recognizing it is time for you!

  2. still trying to hang in there…still no answers…

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