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Win Respect

I will respect myself and treat my body as a temple.

I respect her about two-thirds of the time – not quite enough. I wouldn’t fill a temple full of cheesy, broken trinkets in hopes they morph into a golden cache. But I’ve kinda been expecting the same kind of thing with my food.

I’m not happy again with my body, really not happy. I’ve always struggled with body image. For quite a while I told myself I needed to find contentment; however, there is a big difference between contentment and complacency; unrealistic ideas of perfection and slacking.

I keep trying to figure out why weight loss mode seems diametrically opposed to where I find myself right now. Why am I struggling so with losing 10-15 pounds when it didn’t seem nearly this difficult to take off 100. I once thought it impossible to lose 100, but I knew I could lose 10, God knows I’d done it enough times over the course of my life. Here, I am – needing to do just that, and I don’t seem to maintain enough commitment to get the job done – I’m pissed at me. That isn’t who I am.

I keep coming up with excuses making it feel impossible. I know the things I need to do, and I do them most of the time; however that small, but significant time bites me in the ass a lot lately.

I’m not one who lives in the land of denial, but I don’t think I’m leading a very honest, authentic life right now in terms of food. There’s a dialogue going on that I’d like to think makes sense, however, it swirls me around in game that I know I will lose if I continue to play.

“Eat this, and take an extra walk around the block.”

“Go ahead, you deserve that after a long day.”

“Better grab that now, you won’t have another chance to eat another one in this millennium.”

Every morning I sit here and embrace what I need to do to be successful. I think about my day and plan for work and recreation – strategizing the type of food and activity choices I need to employ to make it all come together. My game attack needs to include follow through if I’m going to come out on top!


4 Responses

  1. Again, you strike a chord with me. First though I want to say how amazing it is that you have lost what you have! I struggle all the time, over and over, and have never had to lose that much. But I also find it harder to stay on track the closer to my goal I get. (And I won’t even talk about maintenance and how hard that is since I never manage to stay on it!)

    I have thought similarly… I KNOW what works for me and what I need to do. Why do I not just do it! And you know that small, insignificant time is biting my ass right now too!

    OK. I know that you and I can do this. We both know what it takes. We know we have done it before. I am going to be the voice of optimism and confidence today for us both. We are going to do it!

  2. This is my idea. Add 2 points to your daily points.
    Write all you eat, no matter what.

  3. Karen – I think we all need those voices of optimism and confidence, and it is good to know that I’m not floating out here by myself.

  4. Maryann – you’re absolutely right – about the obsessing. I was thinking about that this morning. If we all focus on the behavior, the rest will follow. thanks for the reminder.

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