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Complicated Blessings

I was just sitting here contemplating a post about the lack of “Me Time.” (If you’re reading Lyle, I know you haven’t had any either.) But first, something prompted me to open my email, which I never do the first thing in the morning. I found a message informing me that the son of a friend of mine died last night. He was 12 or 13.

My pissing and moaning is so irrelevant.

I know that death reminds us about the fragility of life. I heard that loud and clear when two of my own children died. Somehow, I managed to find a little appreciation in that new found knowledge, even if it was a lesson I wished would have passed me by.

I lost touch with this friend….moves, changing circumstances, life. It all gets in the way. We met when our first born were infants. A posse of stay-at-home moms assembled under the pretense of a play group, but given the fact all our babies resembled lumps of flesh, we actually needed a mommy sanity check. Those occasional glasses of afternoon wine hit the spot quite nicely.

We all bitched, moaned, cried, celebrated milestones and started having the next round of babies. We got a quick lesson that not everything goes as planned when one of us had a baby with a life-threatening heart condition.

We rallied, shared casseroles, held hands and wondered in amazement how our friend could appear to weather the storm with such grace and dignity. As an outsider looking in, the process seemed surreal – surgery after surgery, life-altering experiences, transplant. How did she do it?

My friend offered many words of encouragement to me when our twins died. I remember asking her how she got through the experience. I craved wisdom. How was I going to navigate through the hardest thing I had ever encountered in my life? Many people just didn’t seem to get it, but she sat there and cried with me and just let me be. I’ll never forget, she looked at me and said, “You do it because you have no choice. There are others who need you.”

The light switched back on for me that day, and I’ve always been grateful for her words because quite frankly, I had been contemplating other choices.

Life is really hard at times, and it is unfortunate that death is what sometimes reminds of us of the beauty that exists in the midst of everything else.

I send positive thoughts into the universe now, embrace my numerous blessings and remember that gifts come to me many different ways. For any of you interested in organ or tissue donation, click here.

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One Response

  1. My heart goes out to you and your friend.

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