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Would You Like Fries With That?

I rarely eat French fries so when I indulge I want them to be perfect. I don’t want to just cram them mindlessly down my pie hole as I exit the drive thru navigating through rush hour traffic. I always ask the order dude to pop a fresh batch in the fryer. Of all my special food requests, this one probably drives Lyle the craziest.

This weekend we stopped at Wendy’s, but Lyle wanted me to retract my order because the staff seemed a little discombobulated and they were actually messing with one of the fryers. Hey, if you are in the business of fries, you need to be prepared to make them, right?

I’m always extremely polite when I ask, and I’ve never been met with any resistance. I just know that hot fries are nearly heavenly whereas limp, soggy fries really piss me off. I wasn’t even planning to eat the entire order, but I wanted the ones I planned to eat to be crispy and hot. If I’m going to burn the calories/points on something sinful, I want it to be at peak flavor.

The same goes for pizza. I don’t order carry-out. Who wants to dig into a box of congealed grease? I want grab a couple slices of pizza so hot that the bubbly cheese scorches the roof of my mouth. Does that make me a masochist or a diehard foodie?

I learned something though about French Fries this weekend. One might be able to eat fries fresh out of the fryer at McDonalds, but I discovered the increased volume of Wendy’s fries convert them into miniature flame throwers. I felt the blister form immediately, but no worries, I powered through.

This morning the roof of my mouth was raw and tender. I really can’t curse the fries. I ordered them and I managed to write them down in my food journal – I’m all about accountability. I can’t help but wonder if this dilemma makes the radar of those “civilians” who have never battled the bulge. Do these people crave piping hot fries so fiercely only to jam them in their mouth so quickly that they burn all the taste buds on their tongues? Seems kinda warped if you ask me.

Nothing makes me madder than to eat something and have to write it in my damn journal if it wasn’t enjoyable going down. Do I place too much emphasis on the FOOD, or am I just realistic enough to realize what will make me happy with my choices?


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