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Sweeter Than Cookies

Me and Mom - Arizona Summer 2009


Me and Grandma - Arizona Spring 2003?

I came home from my meetings today and I wanted to crash. A Saturday afternoon snooze sounded fantastic, but I don’t nap often, mostly because when I wake up I feel like I could rival Yogi Bear after hibernating for six months. I like to begin with eating a big bowl of cereal and work my way through the snack cabinet.

I decided to risk it and lay down for a few minutes. Just about the time I dozed off, I heard Russell banging around and then Lyle turned up the TV. It irritated me that I couldn’t vegetate in peace. I got up and wandered around our kitchen for a minute and tried to ignore the fact that I was headed to a dangerous place. I experienced a brief moment where I contemplated the pros and cons of eating my way through the afternoon, and then opted to be a good girl. I popped a piece of gum in my mouth and made a pot of coffee.

I would still like to spend my afternoon eating, but I’m trying to avoid that. I put some hazelnut sweetener in my coffee and munched on a 100-calorie snack cake. It tasted good, but I could eat 10 more.

I would really like to bake cookies, but my head is nowhere close to a place that I could withstand that kind of temptation. At least I recognize it. But there is a sinister voice in my head trying to tell me that a sheet of warm cookies and a big glass of milk might be exactly what I need to turn the doldrums into a relaxing evening. Shut the hell up!

As I sat in my favorite chair getting more and more pouty about the fact that I should stay away from cookies this afternoon, I happened to glance up at Lyle’s computer where he has a photo scroll playing. Up flashed me in a picture with my grandma after I lost about half my weight. I remember that picture – I felt pretty damn hot, and a few plates of cookies might take me there quicker than I imagine.

Suddenly the idea of cookies don’t sound nearly as appetizing as maintaining my pants size. I don’t like to see old photos, but I also don’t want to see any of that baggage return either. Sometimes it’s nice to remember how far I’ve come.

So, I found another photo of me – and my mom – also taken on a trip to Arizona. That picture was taken this past summer – maybe five or six years after the one with my grandma. I’ve maintained my weight loss for more than three years now, and I suppose that is much sweeter than any cookie could ever hope to be!

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