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December 1 – when did that happen? Didn’t I wake up yesterday and take my coffee out to the porch swing and enjoy listening to the birds sing in the new day?

Time passes so quickly sometimes that it scares me. I don’t work during the summer, and I thoroughly enjoy getting up early and writing in my journal as I sit at the water’s edge. It’s peaceful and my thoughts flow quickly. Now, it is cold and dark. I find myself counting down the days to winter solstice when the daylight hours begin to stretch again. But do I really want to wish away another three weeks?

While I’m trying to stay positive, I know I am affected by the cloudy days that carry chills that I cannot shake. Everyone in the Fast household feels the pinch of shortened daylight hours so I try to be considerate of this fact as I grumble about.

The first couple days of school following a break are tough for Russell so I decided to cut him some slack and let Sonya out for her morning constitutional, and I was met with the prettiest sunrise I’d seen in a while. My bet is that there are plenty to see, but I have been choosing to ignore them.

Open To The Possibilities

What do I let pass me by simply because I fail to pay attention or I’m too busy lamenting over some stupid bullshit. I have to stop to say that it feels particularly good to curse right now – even in writing. We started a “cuss jar” a couple weeks ago. While I know it’s a good thing, I secretly enjoy talking like a sailor who has just slugged down four shots of whiskey. But back to my point…

Over the weekend as we put up the Christmas tree, I was cognizant of fleeting time. We don’t have many more holidays together before Russell will be formulating his own traditions, and it was important to acknowledge this to myself. I like that state of gratitude, but I’ve never been able to remain in that place for an extended amount of time. I’m not sure it is even possible. Is it the human condition to allow negative thoughts to pervade our existence?

When I ponder the opposite of negativity, my mind instantly goes to a land of fantasy, one that seems equally impossible to achieve. And quite frankly, I’m pretty sure that I’m too edgy to exist in that place either. I’m certain the little gnomes who reside there would kick me to the curb after our first introductions.

But what about a place in the middle where I can easily pull things to the forefront of my mind that I really appreciate. Is it realistic to exist in a space where I truly see my behavior for what it is, and I also can recognize the struggles of people around me? Is it about lasting compassion – for myself and others?

Attentive. Realistic. Compassionate. Kind. Patient. There is nothing complicated about any of these words, but if I managed to embrace their essence during my daily existence, I wonder what effect they may have. Perhaps the approaching winter solstice gives me opportunity simply celebrate life for what it is today and where it can lead me if I’m alert to all the possibilities.

How do you feel about this?


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