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Luckiest Girl On The Earth

I have a confession to make. I escaped from my quarantine yesterday just long enough to go buy a washing machine.

It may not seem like the best way to spend an hour of stolen time, but our washer went haywire on day two of the Fast Flu Foray. Timing could not have been worse. Just when you want to be able to disinfect everything in your house with scalding hot water and bleach, our washer decides to call it quits – what nerve.

I was pretty fond of this washer. She is the one who promoted me to Luckiest Girl in the World. Let me begin by saying Lyle will never live this down – so here you go honey, a few more people are going to get to hear the infamous tale.

It all began 11 years ago. I was a stay-at-home mom, and we had just moved into the house where we now reside. Needless to say, things were a little tight on the pocket book.

Our washer developed a severe case of leprosy – parts were falling off faster than I could pick them up from the floor, and then our dryer suddenly stopped heating. Oh sure it worked, but it took 12-14 hours to dry a load of sheets. This was not welcome in a house with a toddler trying to make it through the night with dry bedding.

A pushover, I am not, and one day, I’d finally had enough and informed Lyle I was going shopping for a washer and dryer. Mind you, he is generally one who researches everything for months before making purchase decisions. I invited him along for the excursion knowing he would try to change my mind.

He finally agreed that we needed a dryer, but the washer, in his estimation, was just fine even though it required special tools to turn it on. Blah, blah, blah is what I heard.

I kept my purchase modest and appropriate – no extra bells and whistles. I was quite pleased and I couldn’t wait until the duo was delivered. On our way home, however, Lyle made a nearly fatal mistake when he said, “I hope you know how lucky you are.”

It was as if he realized what he was saying as he was saying it, but by then it was simply too late.

I’m not sure exactly how long it took for my head to fly off my neck, but it didn’t land back on my body until I screamed, “Oh, I’m indeed so lucky to have the privilege to wash your dirty-ass underwear.”

From that point forward for the next year and a half, every person who walked into my house, I greeted them with, “I have to show you something. I am SOOOO lucky,” and off we marched to take a look at my washer and dryer. I’m not joking – it still comes up on occasion now.

Lyle has always been respectful and appreciative and is an active participant in household chores so what came over him that day, I don’t quite know, but it has given us (well me) a lot of laughs. As I snuck out of quarantine yesterday to buy a new washer, I couldn’t help but wonder if I would still be as lucky once my new machine is delivered.

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