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Tell Me The Difference

Is there any difference among desires, obligations and responsibility?

Does our outlook change on any of it as we age? Russell complains constantly that I micro-manage his life – do your homework, pick-up your dishes, take out the dog, go to bed, wake up. I try to back off, but some things just gotta get done, right?

I must accomplish certain things in order to exist and function in my family and in society as a whole. I go to work, abide the laws set by the government, well most of them, follow the hygienic rituals our society deems appropriate and other numerous tedious customs.

Where does responsibility end and desire step in?

I’m coming to terms with the notion that I may be stretching myself in too many directions. I juggle pretty well, but I already dropped the biggest ball when I stopped taking care of my needs. Once I stopped gasping for air, I reminded myself that breathing is not optional and decided it may be time to reevaluate my priorities.

Creativity slips when I fail to meet my own desires. Writing and jewelry making are two ventures that fill my soul. My mind expands and I feel satisfied when I’m involved with these crafts. Both activities take time that I haven’t given myself lately, which contributed to my momentary loss of reason.

I’m not sure if it is going back to work after a summer hiatus, or if it has simply been a while since I looked at what was really happening in my life, but something needs to change. What, I’m not exactly sure.

It may be pleasing to walk into a clean house, but I feel no overriding commitment to be the sole proprietor of the endeavor. Time is a precious commodity, and I think I would rather spend it in another way.

I’m also wondering about social gatherings. There are occasions when I attend parties out of obligation. Isn’t that an oxymoron of the word festivity? Does it make me a hermit or rude if I prefer curling up in my fleecy jammies?

It sounds childish to say, “I want to do xyz when I want to.”

But I think I may jump to a faulty hypothesis from that point forward. Just because I may opt out of something does not make me negligent or immature. People may have the right to call me a whole host of names, but irresponsible will probably never make the list. Is that what I really fear?

I need to sort this out. Do any of you have any clues?

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