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Take Charge

What is it that you want?

There are times in my life that I feel extremely focused, nothing can stand in my way and things get done. This is not one of those moments. I’ve been coming to terms with that for the last few days, and I think I’m ready to move forward again.

My weight, or more accurately my relationship with food, often reflects what is going on with the rest of my life. I like to blame the food at times for taking me off course, but I believe it is merely a symptom of what is going on.

When life progresses at a pace that I feel comfortable, food is food. It provides nutritional benefits, it keeps me going and yes it is satisfying. I haven’t been abusing food in ways that I once did, but snippets of unnecessary munching disturb my regular schedule. Things have been only slightly off so I haven’t really noticed what was lying beneath the surface.

Sometimes I like to enter the land of make-believe and pretend that things are moving along perfectly when they really aren’t, or better yet, I like to create a villain to blame for my life falling down a shit hole. Either way, this place of distraction prevents me from living in an authentic space.

Lyle called me on this yesterday. He accused me of “not being into him.” At first I flared and blamed him for being needy, which of course hurt his feelings. As I stomped off, I thought about whether or not I would like to be on the receiving end of what I have been giving. Ah, NO!

He was only partially right though. Yes, I’ve been unavailable to him, but that is because I have also been retreating from myself. He’s just quicker to call me on it, and thank God, because it would probably take 10-pounds of Doritos for me to notice I was being a bitch to me. I’d be too busy licking the nacho powder off my fingers to notice anything amiss.

While I vacated reality for a brief moment, I popped into another fairytale where I hoped all the good things in the world would fall from the sky with no effort on my part. I’m not placing a judgment regarding what I deserve, but I realize that I need to be an active participant in life in order to accomplish my goals.

Occasionally, fantastic surprises may bonk me on the head, but more often than not, perseverance plays a bigger role.

Whether we have long term life goals or immediate weight loss objectives, sometimes we get off track and timelines need reevaluated. It may seem disappointing to make the necessary adjustments, but moving in the correct direction is still better than sinking in the quick sand.



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