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Still Waiting

I went for the breast MRI today. I’ve been trying not to eat my way through the anxiety, but I have to admit dipping my head into a big chocolate cake right about now sounds pretty comforting. As I was waiting for the test, the phrase, don’t get the cart before the horse came to mind. I know using idioms is discouraged with writing, but we all use them. However, what seemed more appropriate was, don’t start the chemo until the diagnosis. I doubt that will ever make it in a phrase book.

Things still seem to be improving on the antibiotics so I think there is a good chance that all of this was caused by some sort of funky infection, but that didn’t prevent the nerves surfacing once I was in the hospital checking in for the procedure. Everyone was super nice. I suppose they figure that someone who might have cancer is on a pretty short circuit.

It may end me in hell, but I can’t stop finding the humor. After the tech hooked me up with the IV, I climbed onto the table to lie down. I assumed when I went in that I would be on my back – that’s what I saw on Grey’s Anatomy. Then I saw the head rest and the two trays with holes cut out for my boobs – now that looked comfy. I fought the urge to ask her if these came in different sizes, but more importantly, had anyone ever filled the ones out that I was using?

I dangled the girls into their special compartment and kinda laughed to myself. The tech asked if everything was ok. I’m sure laughter is one of those warning signs that alert professionals that their patients are getting ready to come unglued. I said it felt like I should be getting ready for a massage, only not so much.

I can think of a lot of things I’d rather do within forty minutes than lay face down in a tube listening to gargantuan whirring machines making colossal ticking rattles. I felt like I deserved that cake when it was over. I ran some errands after the procedure and found myself at McDonalds…ooh, fries might be nice. I settled on a non-fat cappuccino, which I ended up returning since it tasted like crap. I came home and made a smoothie.

I should have the results back from the examination by the first part of the week, so I know I’m going to need to put some effort into keeping myself busy and away from all the comfort foods that are infiltrating my thoughts. Food will only complicate the issue. Besides, I’m grumpy enough right now without adding sugar detox into the mix.

The plan is to keep idle time to a minimum and keep my exercise levels up. Hopefully, being aware of my desires will help me maintain an effective plan. Until I feel confident with my choosing abilities, I’m taking the long way around DQ.

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3 Responses

  1. Melissa,
    It’s Saturday AM, I have things “to-do” this weekend, but not many specific plans. Email me, if you can with that new phone, or call my cell if you’d like to go somewhere and take a walk. I kept thinking this would be a good weekend to go somewhere to walk. But my husband fell and has a swollen ankle…

    I’m glad to see that you are still in touch with your humorous side. Because I’d like to point out that you are noticing bodily issues on Saturdays, and having tests done on Fridays. You really need to consider the schedules of the medical team in the timing of these things, don’t you think? You’ve added 2 weekend wait-days…twice!! Take it from one who showed up in labor at the change of shifts…plan ahead!

    Lots of white light and whatever else it takes coming your way!
    MaryAnne

  2. Melissa,
    I am waiting along with you. Sending positive thoughts. Isn’t it amazing that in the USA, tests like a MRI can be done so quickly without having to wait weeks for insurance approval?

  3. Thanks for checking in. It’s great to know that others are hanging out with me.

    Wouldn’t it be great to schedule stressful times? I suppose that would just increase my issues with control, oh well.

    Maryanne, I hope your husband recovers (and doesn’t drive you crazy in the meantime. Thanks for the walk offer. I can’t make it work this time, but I certainly appreciate the offer.

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