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I’ll Take the Blame

Last week I wrote about a rough Easter weekend that included too much sugar, which left me in a state ready to give up for good! I ended up kicking myself in the ass and got back on track for the rest of the week, but it required some pretty strict eating patterns. I think it is emotionally healthier to put effort into a moderate plan and stick with it throughout the week, but the other way works as long as I’m brutally honest and disciplined.

For those of you who have been tuning in to this blog for a while, you know I keep a food journal and have done so for four or five years. People still ask when I’ll stop writing everything down. I guess the answer is, “when I want to gain back 100 pounds.” It’s not the act of journaling that produces magical results, and the feedback is only beneficial if I keep accurate records.

When I first lost weight, I generally over estimated the amount of food I ate. If I ate two-thirds of a cup of something, I’d call it a cup. This technique contributed to good feedback from the food journal and at the scale. However, recently, I found myself doing exactly the opposite. Oh sure, I recorded what I ate, but perhaps I called a five-inch-square piece of cake a one serving, or a my one-bowl “serving” of cereal morphed into enough to feed a family of four.

If this practice only happens occasionally, the number on the scale isn’t greatly affected. However, if every morsel I shove in my mouth is really an appropriate serving for a 300-pound linebacker; my pants are going to get snug quick! It also leaves me feeling cheated, deprived and pissed that I’m not making any headway.

I got in touch with that last week after my eating extravaganza. I came clean with myself and buckled down throughout the week – really buckled down. Snacking was minimal, meals were smaller than I preferred, and exercise became my friend!

I guess my point is that I got in touch with the fact that I am responsible for my actions. As we all know, losing weight or maintaining weight is a straightforward mathematical equation – in vs. out. It isn’t easy by any stretch, but if I don’t see the numbers on the scale that I want to see, it is me that I need to blame.

I still need to figure out this weekend eating thing. I’m not handling it as gracefully as I would like; however, until I come up with a solid plan that once again works the entire week; I have to acknowledge the repercussions of my actions and make the necessary adjustments along the way to achieve my goals.

Even though it stinks to have to take responsibility for my own actions, I still find it preferable to living in the dark or blaming the gravitational pull of the moon for my weight fluctuations! Perhaps I need to look at the empowerment I gain from this experience.


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