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Perfect Timing

I had a lousy day today, but I received a well-timed reminder of why I make the choices that I do, which made the crap seem pretty irrelevant.

First, I spent the day in protest. It wasn’t the day I planned, and it pissed me off so I ate, and then that pissed me off, and I ate some more. See where I’m going? I felt myself sliding into a dark place, and part of me kind of liked it. I put a pair of sweat pants on to get comfy. Who was I kidding? I just wanted more room to keep eating.

I grumbled with my family and with myself. I wondered how quickly it would take to regain 100 pounds. Could I do it in a week? Not likely, but I guessed I could probably do it in six months if I got to work.

What would my life look like? I’ve made some pretty significant changes in my life, and I didn’t think I wanted to go back, but for just a moment I felt like maybe the effort wasn’t worth it any more, maybe I wasn’t worth it anymore.

I’ve been struggling for a couple weeks; ever since I got back from France…I just haven’t been able to get my shit together. I kept scolding myself. I wasn’t in denial…I knew I wasn’t making good food choices, but I didn’t seem willing to do what it takes to see the results I wanted.

Today seemed like as good a day as any to throw in the towel; however, I also felt restless, and something else tugged within that didn’t want to let go.

I came downstairs and checked my email, and that’s when I found it, an email. It was from a stranger really. Some of you know that I’m involved in Weight Watchers and send weekly emails out to a couple groups. While I don’t think WW has the market cornered on long term weight loss success, it works for me, whatever. Anyway, I opened my email to find someone wanting to be taken off my list. It wasn’t anything I did; the timing wasn’t good for personal reasons…

The point for me is that I received the email at the perfect time. I replied and in doing so, I was reminded why I do what I do. This journey is really tough at times, but I am learning about more than just weight loss or maintenance.

The real journey is about finding the person I hope to be for my remaining time on this planet. In the process, my real goal is to interact with people and touch a few lives along the way. I don’t mean in a big neon-blinking manner. Hell, I’m not sure what it will look like on a daily basis. I just know that I must continue to work on me so I can share what I learn and keep the process rolling.

That email also reminded me of all the people I am blessed to know. Families and friends can bring complications to our lives at times, but today I know the joy to occupy part of this space reserved for a whole lot more than just me!



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