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Big Change in Small Packages

As I lost weight, I kept notes that chronicled the progress, or sometimes lack thereof. I looked at the crumpled up pieces of paper the other day, and it surprised me to see the first dated entry – January 30, 2002. It doesn’t feel like I’ve been doing this for almost seven years.

I decided I may need to look beyond the recorded measurements. There was ample documentation of many “starting over” moments. When I needed a significant break, I folded the paper several times and turned it over to begin at the top of another page. Occasionally, I even added new log sheets. I guess I couldn’t bear to even look at the previous attempts. I think this is where the real story begins.

I don’t recall hiding previous entries with complicated origami folds or pulling out fresh paper, but as I reflect back I see a couple things. First, I sense the frustration. I didn’t always follow the plan. Why else would I need to make so many clean breaks? More importantly, I see the determination. Sure, these sheets contain a lot of evidence of fluctuations, but somewhere along the way, I made up my mind to see it through to the end…never quite realizing that the last chapter is a long one.

That’s okay too because I’ve learned a lot about myself on this journey. I’ve shared that the process required bite-size goals. This allowed me to incorporate small constructive behaviors into my daily life. At some point, I learned I needed to permanently change some of my actions and alter the image of who I hoped to be. Relishing small success gave me optimism which fueled my resolve.

It’s difficult to focus on the positive when I feel less than 100%, and let’s face it, I can’t play my “A Game” every waking hour. It simply is unrealistic. Last night was a perfect example. Two-year-old Melissa wanted to come out to play since I was tired and cranky from a cold and not getting enough sleep the night before. Forget walking into the light. I wanted to run into the tantrum and eat my way into next week!

I knew I could maintain control because I had done it many times before, but the pull of the negative can be strong. With a little positive self-talk and grace, I maintained my composure. Today is a new day, and I appreciate how far I’ve traveled. I celebrate the fact that I’ve been at a healthy weight now for about two and a half years, and I feel good about that. A new year is full of promise and hope. Where do you want to go, and how are you going to get there?


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