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Party in My Mouth

I’ve been having a difficult time lately with emotional eating. Not too long ago, I told some friends that I was having a party in my mouth. I generally enjoy evening revelry. I work all day, and I manage to make great food choices for all three meals; I even find the time to plan a few healthy snacks for those times when hunger will make me vulnerable. I have a routine down that works. I eat breakfast at 6am, snack at 10am, lunch at noon, snack at 4pm and dinner at 6:30pm. When I am taking care of myself, I have a snack around 8pm and then call it a day.

A hundred pounds ago, evening snack time often consisted of a three-hour window immediately following dinner when I would binge my way into painful oblivion until I crashed into bed. This isn’t something I’m proud to admit, let alone post in cyber space.

When the desire to eat like this reappears, I know that my head is getting a little out of whack. Sometimes I slide just a tad, hence the party in my mouth terminology. The phrase seemed funny until I thought of the mess left behind. You remember those parties when a little too much celebrating occurs, and you decide to go to bed and clean up the kitchen the next morning. You wake up, grab a cup of coffee, and all you see is the gooey bits and pieces of stuff stuck to the counter, and the crusty hors d’ eurve remnants hermetically sealed to the lip of every bowl you own. Let the clean up begin!

The stupid damn party metaphor persists when I reflect on the resulting hangover from such “festivities.” I feel groggy, achy and my head is filled with snot. Yes, it’s gross. So, why do I talk about it? I think I have to acknowledge it to move forward. If it is no longer a dirty little secret, the power it wields over me is gone! Bye-bye!

Thankfully, I’ve made a lot of progress, and for the most part I’ve put aside the notion that perfection is even remotely possible. When the snack cabinet starts calling my name for these late night get-togethers, I know it is time to schedule a tune-up with my counselor, Alice. It’s the same as when I take my car for an oil change…nothing major, just a little preventative maintenance. For those of you who remember the book from the 70’s, the bonus is that I can tell my friends, “I need to go ask Alice.”

I’ve turned off the music and kicked the Fritos to the curb. Back on track, and that feels great! I acknowledge my behavior and accept the fact that I have the free choice to take care of myself physically and emotionally. This journey is about the progress, and I’m going in the right direction…for today anyway.



One Response

  1. I have a friend named Jerry that I see at least once a month to keep ime in tune emotionally.
    I have a lot of friends who say “It is what it is”, but seeing my therapist, Jerry, helps me understand that it’s all from the past, and how I react to things is because of a lot of that, but I’ve learned that it isn’t what it is, because I can identify it and with the help of prayer, and great friends I can grow to change that, however long it takes me

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