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Removing the Invisibility Cloak

It may be difficult to believe, but I need to tell you something before we continue. I used to be invisible. There, I said it. What I find more interesting than the fact that I was too small to see is how this phenomenon occurred at the exact same time that I was classified as morbidly obese.

On some level I must have been aware that I weighed well over 250 pounds, but no one could see me because I was unnoticeable. With each added pound, the invisibility cloak increased in power, and more of me disappeared underneath. I didn’t consciously encase myself under the veil. It’s not as if I woke one day and decided that I wanted to check out of mainstream society and take shelter under a blackened shroud for the next forty years. Making a conscious decision to lose weight meant I had to deal with me. That, my friends, was scary as hell!

I wanted attention, but I hated people to look at me. What was that all about? Perhaps it wasn’t so much that I wanted to be invisible as it was I liked the security it offered. I could avoid a whole lot of society if I chose to. I set up my own little dwelling deep down undercover. If I hung up the cloak for good, did that mean I would need to confront the idea I held some responsibility to the mess I found myself in? I preferred to blame my husband. He’s the one who told me my butt looked big.

I lost the weight, and my feet are firmly planted in the land of reality, but I want to evolve to a point that I no longer miss my cloak. When I take care of myself emotionally and physically, things move along well and I recognize the benefit of a new and improved lifestyle. Sometimes though, for whatever reason, I become uncomfortable in my skin, and I retreat into old habits reaching for the bag of chips, donuts or whatever will lead me undercover. My desire is to find long term peace in my own skin and maintain a mental image that matches the reflection in the mirror and the one that others see when they look at me. I guess I’m taking you along for the ride. Enjoy and feel free to pull out a map to give me a few directions along the way!

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2 Responses

  1. You are a sweetheart! You were never invisible you just thought you were….and while you might have thought of yourself as fat…..most of us find it hard to believe you once fit in those “fat” pants! You go girl! You are an inspriration to everyone that knows you for many reasons.

  2. This is the horrible hubby. I have to set the record straight. I NEVER SAID your “butt looked big.” I may have said “You need to consider what your weight is doing to your health”, but I would never think; yet say such a thing! Also, I have not been as supportive as I could; by setting a good example keeping my 6pack — or as my son now calls it my “KEG”. Really, I love my wife an very proud of her for the weight she has lost and how she has managed to keep it off. I do miss the wonderful “unhealthy” meals she used to cook.

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